Why Jonas Høgh-Christensen Will Sail Like a God This Summer

We all had different ambitions when we were children. When my brother was small, he was asked what job he'd like to have when he grew up. He thought a little, and then replied that he'd quite like to be God.

He always was ambitious.

My parents pointed out that the position of God was already taken, and suggested he have a back-up plan. So he had another think, and decided that if he couldn't be God, then he'd quite like to be an ambulance.

Jonas Høgh-Christensen didn't have to make any such compromises.

Born in 876AD, Jonas was the son of the Norse God, Hodor. At the age of 5 Jonas, like all young Norse Gods, had to decide what he would be God of when he grew up. Jonas decided he'd like to be the Norse God of Thunder, and he was incredibly disappointed to find that his uncle, Thor, was already occupying this position.

At first Jonas was so upset that he refused to choose another role but eventually, after much persuasion, he said he'd like to be the Norse God of Recreational and Competitive Sailing.

It's fair to say that the Norse God community was a little disappointed with young Jonas' decision - there were, after all, lots of much more dramatic positions still to be filled - but Jonas was adamant.

For several centuries he held this position with some aplomb but, as we all know, at some point in the late middle ages the Norse Gods were phased out, and new, more modern deities were ushered in.

Jonas Hogh Christensen recovering from a capsize

Jonas Hogh Christensen recovering from a capsize

Since then, Jonas has led a relatively sedate life, but several hundred years mucking about in boats eventually got wearying, so in 2004 he decided to take part in the Olympics. Naturally, as a God (even an somewhat obsolete God) he fully expected to win and so he was very disappointed to finish in 9th.

But he wasn't as disappointed as Odin, his grandfather and leader of the Norse Gods. Odin was so enraged he cast Jonas out, using his magic to remove Jonas' godly powers, and turning him into a normal human being.

Devastated, Jonas spent the next three years moping about until one day he realised he could not continue on in this manner. He determined then and there to win the Olympics and earn his place in Asgard back.

He had left his 2008 campaign too late, though, and despite working hard to prepare, Jonas could only manage 6th place. He set his sights on London and 2012.

All was going well in 2012, and as the end of the regatta approached he looked well set to win. And then a misunderstanding with his uncle unravelled all Jonas' hard work.

One evening after the racing he was on the phone to Thor, who was asking how the regatta was going. Jonas happened to mention that Ben Ainslie had been upset that day, and he'd said this to the media afterwards:

"He said what?" asked uncle Thor.

"He said that we didn't want to make him angry" said Jonas.

Thor was worried - he'd heard these words before.

Having worked with the Avengers for some time, Thor had become acquainted with The Incredible Hulk, and he knew how destructive the Hulk could be if he got mad. Just witness this documentary evidence taken, I believe, from a news bulletin in the United States:

"Listen," said Thor, "I think you should let this guy win. If he is who I think he is, then he'll make an awful mess of Weymouth if he gets mad."

And so, in the interests of protecting the South of England, Jonas sacrificed his gold medal and Ainslie won.

"When I found out afterwards that Ainslie isn't actually the Hulk I was pretty upset with Uncle Thor." Jonas has said. "If it wasn't for him I could be back in Asgard by now, but instead I have to go and sail in Rio."


Some Actual Proper Information on Jonas Høgh-Christensen

Of course, there may be some people that want some actual, true, real information on Jonas Høgh-Christensen. Here's some that may be useful:

Here's his Wikipedia page which gives the basic details of his career...

...and there's a little more information on his World Sailing page...

...or you could like Facebook page (which I think you should, just to show appreciation for this brilliant cover photo):

Jonas Hogh-Christensen's Facebook cover photo

Useful Videos Featuring Jonas Høgh-Christensen

This short video has a little about Jonas' history:

Here's some footage of Jonas winning his second Finn Gold Cup in 2009:

These two races bookend the Finn regatta at the London Olympics. Jonas won the first race, sailing brilliantly, but Ben Ainslie managed to get the result he needed in the Medal Race, meaning silver for the Dane.

2 thoughts on “Why Jonas Høgh-Christensen Will Sail Like a God This Summer

  1. Thanks, Jonas! I really like Weymouth and it would have been a shame if Ben Ainslie had turned into the incredible hulk and trashed the place.

    Also pretty pleased he won that final race for other reasons 😉

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